I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
