Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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