You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
