She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
