Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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