theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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