How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
