remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Randomize
