No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
