i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
