I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
