The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
