Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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