my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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