you have to choose: penises or morals?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
they're like a gay fantastic four
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
