filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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