Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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