Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
