White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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