Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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