im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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