u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
