I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
