This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
