my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
