I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
