Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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