he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
