i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize