Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
