mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
