If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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