It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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