Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
