WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
