Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
