There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
