Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
