I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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