I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
