remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
