My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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