I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
