i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
