my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
