Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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