his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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