Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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