I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm way too hungover for life right now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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