Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
