whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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