Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
