the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
