don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
