I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
