My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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