I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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