theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
