I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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