singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
