And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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