Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
