my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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