the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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