Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
