thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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