only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
