So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
dude. I can hear the air.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
