i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
