this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
