Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
