wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she told me i tasted like america
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm at about main and main street
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
