So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
