How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
