Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sext me about skeletons
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
